Tot.ler Love: I wrote this last weds, I just couldn't post it until now.

Searra has been there for me in situations where any one human person just would not have done. My abusive father couldn't lay a hand on me while she was around, until I had kids we slept together every night ( and she snuck herself in there periodically anyway ), and she was always happy to see me. Yesterday we sat on the porch and she played in the hose. A few hours later she had a seizure. She's never had one before, it was horrifying. Immediately I called the vet and took her in. While we were there she seizured again and he figured out that she had a benign tumour on her pancreas causing her sugar levels to drop drastically. He said after this she will always seizure, it could get better and it may not. My options were keeping here there alone all night on an iv drip for an obscene amount of money I just don't have or having her put down.

I opted to take her home with some pain meds and see if she'd be alright.

She wasn't alright. I stopped counting at the 12th seizure...after that it was just continual shaking. I held her the whole time she was home and told her how loved she is. I am so glad I didn't leave her there to be alone all night seizuring. What a horrible end that would have been. I am so glad I brought her home with me and held her for as long as I could. At midnight I took her into the vet and held her while he put her down. I held her until I felt her heart stop beating and even then I couldn't let go. I stayed there with her and Mike for awhile and then I stayed with her alone for what felt like not long enough.

I already miss her more than I can describe. She was there for me for over half my life. I don't even remember not having a dog. She was just a part of every day life. I will always love her and always miss her.

Goodbye Searra, you made my childhood. I couldn't have made it through all of these things without you. You were not just a dog to me. I love you and I always will.